Monday, January 28, 2008


There is an issue I have noticed with fellow sex workers- a bizarre relationship with their work, society's perspective on female sexuality and commercial sex, and the way they reconcile these internally.

I have met several ladies in the industry who ended up hating men. It hurt my heart to hear them say that and behave that way- a bitter, self-destructive thing. In conversations with them, it always seemed to come down to the issues they face "swimming upstream" as sex workers in a not-sex-friendly society. The men were easy targets for their frustrations.

When someone is constantly telling you as a girl how horrible sexually independent women are- sluts, whores, etc.- it is hard to not internalize that. It is also hard to reconcile how we are supposed to be sexually with how we are or want to be sexually (if that differs from what we are taught is acceptable). We are taught to button up our blouses, wear muted make-up and wait for Mr. Right to gallop in on a Lippizaner and "make honest women out of us." We are stripped of our very power.

Clearly, any woman who works in the sex industry has already deviated from this norm, and has to deal with the sometimes dire consequences of her choices. But how do we deprogram our very deep socialization? We internalize various guises of guilt, shame, hatred, etc., and it is only a very few, very strong women who can deconstruct society's erroneous conclusions about unfettered female sexual autonomy.

The most horrible aspect of this socialization we've gone through is self-hatred, and the second most horrible aspect is hatred of other women.

Friday, January 18, 2008


I just watched the most moving video on the first responders of 9/11. I am flabbergasted at how much these heroes are suffering, with little or no help at all from the government- the very same government who told everyone the air was safe to breathe after 9/11.

One story was about a fellow named James Zadroga- a NYPD officer- who, after spending 470 hours working at ground zero, died of black lung. 3 autopsies were done in which case the examiners said the black lung was caused by breathing the air at ground zero. The New York medical examiner-after only having examined a slide- stated definitively that James did not die of any cause related to the air at ground zero. He said that Zadroga killed himself by using intravenous drugs- that he was a junkie. Michael Bloomberg said that the science says that Zadroga was not a hero.

Follow the money.

I can't tell you how disgusted I am at this.

If anyone has the means and the desire, please consider giving to the Fealgood Foundation: www.fealgoodfoundation.com

John Feal, the fellow who started the foundation, has himself given a kidney to help a fellow first responder.