Deprogramming
There is an issue I have noticed with fellow sex workers- a bizarre relationship with their work, society's perspective on female sexuality and commercial sex, and the way they reconcile these internally.
I have met several ladies in the industry who ended up hating men. It hurt my heart to hear them say that and behave that way- a bitter, self-destructive thing. In conversations with them, it always seemed to come down to the issues they face "swimming upstream" as sex workers in a not-sex-friendly society. The men were easy targets for their frustrations.
When someone is constantly telling you as a girl how horrible sexually independent women are- sluts, whores, etc.- it is hard to not internalize that. It is also hard to reconcile how we are supposed to be sexually with how we are or want to be sexually (if that differs from what we are taught is acceptable). We are taught to button up our blouses, wear muted make-up and wait for Mr. Right to gallop in on a Lippizaner and "make honest women out of us." We are stripped of our very power.
Clearly, any woman who works in the sex industry has already deviated from this norm, and has to deal with the sometimes dire consequences of her choices. But how do we deprogram our very deep socialization? We internalize various guises of guilt, shame, hatred, etc., and it is only a very few, very strong women who can deconstruct society's erroneous conclusions about unfettered female sexual autonomy.
The most horrible aspect of this socialization we've gone through is self-hatred, and the second most horrible aspect is hatred of other women.
I have met several ladies in the industry who ended up hating men. It hurt my heart to hear them say that and behave that way- a bitter, self-destructive thing. In conversations with them, it always seemed to come down to the issues they face "swimming upstream" as sex workers in a not-sex-friendly society. The men were easy targets for their frustrations.
When someone is constantly telling you as a girl how horrible sexually independent women are- sluts, whores, etc.- it is hard to not internalize that. It is also hard to reconcile how we are supposed to be sexually with how we are or want to be sexually (if that differs from what we are taught is acceptable). We are taught to button up our blouses, wear muted make-up and wait for Mr. Right to gallop in on a Lippizaner and "make honest women out of us." We are stripped of our very power.
Clearly, any woman who works in the sex industry has already deviated from this norm, and has to deal with the sometimes dire consequences of her choices. But how do we deprogram our very deep socialization? We internalize various guises of guilt, shame, hatred, etc., and it is only a very few, very strong women who can deconstruct society's erroneous conclusions about unfettered female sexual autonomy.
The most horrible aspect of this socialization we've gone through is self-hatred, and the second most horrible aspect is hatred of other women.
posted by Holly | 6:27 PM
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